Many of us seem to find it difficult to talk positively about ourselves. We are fearful that it will sound like we are “blowing our own trumpet” i.e. talking boastfully about our achievements.
Here are some hints and tips, developed from my work with strengths and with the help of my coaching clients, which you might find useful too:
1. Feedback
There are so many ways to gain feedback about yourself. The language of others can really help unlock the fear of boasting. Some of my own, personal examples include:
- When I worked for Digital Equipment (now HP), the Sales Manager I supported described me as the “Voice of Reason” in the team. He said this to my boss at pay review time, which was great to hear! It has stuck with me since though, as a quality he really appreciated about me.
- A senior client described me as “gritty”. This was something he valued about my consulting approach. It is language I would not have thought of for myself. I picked it up and neatly wove it into my CV summary!
An example of a recent talk about “Switching On Your Strengths”, click for more details
- In a recent application for a Non-Executive role I found myself saying “some of the most consistent feedback about me is my ability to ask the question that no-one else has thought of; and to bring a left field perspective”. I would not have seen this as a quality of mine, and I am now comfortable saying that it’s something others really value about me.
Over To You: Can you increase your sources of formal and informal feedback, to find language nuggets that describe you well too?
2. Peak Performance
From my expertise with using strengths I have collated four questions to describe yourself. These relate to when you are at your best and when your performance is high.
Here is how I use these questions in the leadership programmes I run:
Details of a range of leadership programmes can be seen on my website
Today my answers to these questions are:
- At my best I am original, creative, co-creating with others and aiming very high.
- I am most engaged when it is something hard that has not been done before.
- My work in partnership with Southern Railway is where I feel really proud. We won a National Training Award for developing a coaching style of leadership with measurable and sustainable results.
- I feel most alive when I am outside, with trees, beautiful scenery and walking in a group with fantastic conversation.
A recent “Netwalk” organised by Women in Logistics
Over To You: How would you answer these questions? It can take time to sift through your answers to find the most consistent ones.
N.B. It can help to have someone ask them of you, so you can experience for yourself in the moment what pops up in your mind.
3. Most True
It is also less likely to feel like bragging when we are describing the things that are the most important, or feel the most true, about the core of who we are.
There is a chapter in Dr Brene Brown’s book “Dare To Lead” which describes how to find our values. She recommends that we clarify our top two. This is hard work.
In my experience it can take time to hone, fine tune and become really confident about the two that describe you the best.
Currently mine are Learning and Integrity. These still may change, but everyday they help guide me, describe me and support me when the chips are down.
Over To You: There is a section of her website with a free downloadable handout. Might this help you find yours too?
Perhaps this is the litmus test. Take a look at my LinkedIn profile. Let me know:
- If you know me, does it sound like me, at my best?
- Does it feel accurate and true, or more like bragging, and “blowing my own trumpet”?
- Is it clear what I would like more of, and what I do well?
Get in touch if I can help you on your journey to describe yourself more positively and accurately; to help you to find the role, position or contribution where you too can really excel.
Gill How is an internationally recognised Leadership Developer designing and delivering programmes globally which enable senior managers, executives and professionals step into their strategic leadership capability and stretch their strengths. She is a Fellow of the Association for Coaching, a Team Facilitator and Strengths Expert. She has founded a Diversity and Inclusion Bookclub to which ALL are welcome. If she can help you in developing the potential of the professionals and leaders in your organisation, get in touch:
“Gill is a highly recommended Leadership developer with very rich experience. I have collaboratively worked with Gill over the years delivering training to a multitude of organisations in Africa and she has always stepped up to the challenge with a very optimistic and wide view approach. Our clients love her delivery style and she is great at adapting the training to the right environment. A trainer that will challenge and provoke the group’s thinking regardless of seniority. I would recommend her as a commendable person to work with and an invaluable trainer with a unique style.”
Duncan Mutembani, Managing Director, SparkSync Ltd
Photo Credits: Pexels
